Self Preservation is Simply not Selfish

     For those who love to travel as I do, you may recall the safety speech reviewed by flight attendants before take off. It tells you the do's and don'ts to prepare you for the worst while giving you the best chance at survival. My favorite part of the speech is when they say "if your oxygen mask should dispense, please safely but firmly attach it to your face before assisting the person next to you." And me personally? Well I think this advice can be taken from this context and put into any situation regarding survival of hard situations with others. How could you ever possibly assist someone else if you have yet to make sure you have what you need? You can't, and you may endanger yourself trying to do so in the process.

    Now of course when you are a parent or a spouse, this firm idea has to bend because you have tied your life to or given life to someone else who you have a partnership or bond with, but that still does not excuse not giving yourself the necessary time to recharge and build yourself back up. I see it most with women, as we have those nurturing genetics advising us to willingly sacrifice ourselves for the good of the tribe at a moments notice. Just because we have evolved to this point does not change the cave woman instinct to "put ourselves last," and if anything it is more dangerous because we do not often recognize our instinctual drive behind the behavior. Men do it too, though. Dedicated husbands and fathers will work themselves ragged to make sure the family is secure and provided for, all the while, they deteriorate away because they have not replenished themselves. It becomes entirely too easy to find yourself running on E; and worst, we have learned to take pride in this sacrifice, deeming it real love. What? My love can only be real if I am uncomfortable, neglected, starved, or sleep deprived? I would highly disagree.

     We as people must learn that of course there is beauty and goodness in giving, but that we must first give inwardly before dividing ourselves outwardly. Emotionally, spiritually and physically it is of the utmost importance to make sure before you give it all away, you give your best to you. By doing so, you can multiply the gift of giving because when you have replenished yourself you have more energy and greater abilities in your service towards others. Is it noble to give your last dime to someone? Of course, because your heart is big and your intentions are selfless. But it is also noble to save that dime, add to it and then teach others how to do the same for themselves. Do not just feed people, teach them to provide for themselves. The worst thing you could ever do for someone you care for is something they need to do for themselves. As you recharge your batteries, direct them on how to recharge theirs so you can collaborate your blessings and not be dependent on someone else's "last."

    There is nothing wrong with helping and giving to those we care for. It is beautiful and what we are here for. But there is also nothing wrong with knowing sometimes you just can't. You just don't have it in you, and that's alright. You need time to rest, and you deserve to. You need this whole check to take care of your responsibilities, and that is respectable. Give yourself permission to provide for you foremost and then pride yourself in how much you are a blessing to others from that place of giving. The funny thing is, none of us truly need to worry about our survival or the survival of our loved ones, as we do not pilot this plane. Our responsibility lies in trusting we will be guided safely to where we are supposed to go and trusting the same guiding force gets those we care for to their destinations. But in those moments where we feel we have to take control, take control of you first, and then look to serve those next to you.



When your heart is in the right place, no one can blame you for taking care of yourself. We all must be self fulfilled.