Self Preservation is Simply not Selfish

     For those who love to travel as I do, you may recall the safety speech reviewed by flight attendants before take off. It tells you the do's and don'ts to prepare you for the worst while giving you the best chance at survival. My favorite part of the speech is when they say "if your oxygen mask should dispense, please safely but firmly attach it to your face before assisting the person next to you." And me personally? Well I think this advice can be taken from this context and put into any situation regarding survival of hard situations with others. How could you ever possibly assist someone else if you have yet to make sure you have what you need? You can't, and you may endanger yourself trying to do so in the process.

    Now of course when you are a parent or a spouse, this firm idea has to bend because you have tied your life to or given life to someone else who you have a partnership or bond with, but that still does not excuse not giving yourself the necessary time to recharge and build yourself back up. I see it most with women, as we have those nurturing genetics advising us to willingly sacrifice ourselves for the good of the tribe at a moments notice. Just because we have evolved to this point does not change the cave woman instinct to "put ourselves last," and if anything it is more dangerous because we do not often recognize our instinctual drive behind the behavior. Men do it too, though. Dedicated husbands and fathers will work themselves ragged to make sure the family is secure and provided for, all the while, they deteriorate away because they have not replenished themselves. It becomes entirely too easy to find yourself running on E; and worst, we have learned to take pride in this sacrifice, deeming it real love. What? My love can only be real if I am uncomfortable, neglected, starved, or sleep deprived? I would highly disagree.

     We as people must learn that of course there is beauty and goodness in giving, but that we must first give inwardly before dividing ourselves outwardly. Emotionally, spiritually and physically it is of the utmost importance to make sure before you give it all away, you give your best to you. By doing so, you can multiply the gift of giving because when you have replenished yourself you have more energy and greater abilities in your service towards others. Is it noble to give your last dime to someone? Of course, because your heart is big and your intentions are selfless. But it is also noble to save that dime, add to it and then teach others how to do the same for themselves. Do not just feed people, teach them to provide for themselves. The worst thing you could ever do for someone you care for is something they need to do for themselves. As you recharge your batteries, direct them on how to recharge theirs so you can collaborate your blessings and not be dependent on someone else's "last."

    There is nothing wrong with helping and giving to those we care for. It is beautiful and what we are here for. But there is also nothing wrong with knowing sometimes you just can't. You just don't have it in you, and that's alright. You need time to rest, and you deserve to. You need this whole check to take care of your responsibilities, and that is respectable. Give yourself permission to provide for you foremost and then pride yourself in how much you are a blessing to others from that place of giving. The funny thing is, none of us truly need to worry about our survival or the survival of our loved ones, as we do not pilot this plane. Our responsibility lies in trusting we will be guided safely to where we are supposed to go and trusting the same guiding force gets those we care for to their destinations. But in those moments where we feel we have to take control, take control of you first, and then look to serve those next to you.



When your heart is in the right place, no one can blame you for taking care of yourself. We all must be self fulfilled. 

Keep Calm and Stop the Struggle

I wonder when we truly began to believe that focusing on problems gained us a solution. Is it maybe our human need to suffer that makes us feel as if we are unworthy of relaxing and trusting an answer will be given? I have been finding it increasingly disheartening how we celebrate struggle in this generation like it earns us a level of respect that could not be gained by having unwavering faith that we will continue to be provided for. Continue being the key word because it was not our efforts alone that brought us to where we are, and it definitely was not the struggle that gave us what we currently have. All the struggle provided us with was a pessimistic and exhausted point of view to see the world. If we had taken the same journey and decided not to engross ourselves in thinking we had to solve every problem, we still would have gotten to this point but with a happier disposition and less emotional baggage. It is a hope of mine that we will learn to exercise our spiritual muscles and confront situations with faith rather than strain ourselves mentally and physically running back and forth trying to play “Creator.” You could not fathom the orchestration at work, so why interrupt it with your two cents? Relax, you can never get it wrong, and honestly you will never get it done. Life is one endless lesson with different segments you chose to hone in on and categorize as good or bad based off what you have perceived so far, but your vision is too limited for you to know what works for you and what does not. You do not have to see to believe, you must believe in order to see. So just keep trusting all is constantly well and watch your surroundings reflect that.

You are loved by something greater than anything you could ever fear, so you have already won the battle.
In fact, the battle never existed.

The Tale of Bright Eyes (For My Women)

Tell me if you can relate to this...

In the very beginning, you grew up seeing the world as a place welcoming your questions and curiosity. You loved triumphantly, effortlessly in fact, and found it a privilege to beam with satisfaction in the beauty of simple things. It seemed that those same simple things loved to beam right back at you. You loyally loved those who took care of you, whether mama and daddy, grandmama and pawpaw, and they taught you a lot about what woman and man’s relationship was to be formatted as. You even internalized their characteristics because since that’s what you saw, that’s what you thought you were to become. And oh girl, how much you loved you! So much so that you had no idea of what not loving yourself felt like. From your crazy strands of hair to the soft but sturdy soles of your feet, you were a conqueror and you were fully aware it.

At some point on the journey though, someone hurt you. Someone made you feel like the world wasn’t listening, did not care, did not want you. Someone made you suspicious of man’s intentions with woman and distrusting of how woman blindly adored man. Some broken person took advantage of you, some bitter person spoke anger into you, mama and daddy turned out not to be all that they seemed; no matter the case, all of a sudden the bright eyed girl who loved life as it loved her was tucked away. You did not trust her hopeful disposition, for the world was no longer a hope filled place. Whoever it was that replaced her turned away from satisfaction and simplicity and took up a twisted romance with doubt and insecurity.

That barefoot in the summer afternoon, hair sprawled everywhere as she through back her head to laugh, soft baby fat having girl was unable to find satisfaction within the natural wealth that had always been hers. She could not see the warm undertones to her skin, just that it was too dark, too light, or to frequently speckled in blemishes.  She could not feel the way her curves lovingly hugged her frame, she just saw stretch marks and cellulite, jiggling and bouncing (tell me, how did your body’s natural patterns and its love to dance become so ugly to you girl?) She could not hear the way the wind whistled at her as she walked by; she just noticed her hair being blown out of place and cursed the weather she once celebrated.

And all the while, that bright eyed girl deep, deep inside watched what went on with you. She knew that the heartache you had experienced so young was deathly contagious and that it had hardened you, so bright eyes whispered to you from your insides. In moments where the radio stations weren’t up so loud or the music videos didn’t consume your attention, she would promise you that no matter what you saw, smelled, tasted, touched or heard that you were unspeakably precious and that life, as well as her, were truly still in love with you. You waved her whispers away at first, like swatting a fly, not needing the lovey dovey distraction to deter you from your aspirations to “dress like her,” “have that guy,” and “be this size.” There was no time to love who you really were, as you were simply too focused on becoming who you really were not. But her whispers kept calling to you. Sometimes while you were sitting in the church pews, sometimes while you were at a sleepover, or sometimes when alone with a guy you desired. Bright eyes began sounding like an old friend who it just wasn’t so cool to hang out with anymore. She knew you better than anyone though, and was always there to encourage you to still take barefoot walks in the evening to recharge from your day of big girl strutting. That was your time, time to take off the heavy mask and be vulnerable, and in those moments whispers evolved into full blown conversations.

“It’s suffocating, isn’t it?” she would inquire as your toes gripped the warm cement. You’d look down and nod quietly. “I know” she’d sympathize, “It feels like it.” You would try and explain to her that the world just wasn’t how she remembered it to be, that you saw terrible things happen to remarkable people all the time, and that to end up anywhere worthwhile you had to know your role and play the part. And she would listen intently, never interrupting, but when you were done with your wild rambling and your desperate excuses, she would warmly say “it’s okay to get off the stage if you don’t like the part you’re playing, baby. This role just doesn’t suit you. And as for what’s terrible and who is remarkable, well that is all in your opinion and you know so little about other people. You don’t know what greatness that situation you perceive as terrible prepared that person for. You don’t get to see everything that happens for everyone, because it has nothing to do with you. I am very aware the world is not the place I remember it to be, trust me, but it seems that you are the one out of the two of us having trouble coping with your surroundings.”

Silence. You weren’t going to argue with her. This was about the time you would drop your sandals on the pavement and start walking home anyways, tired of feeling out of place in even your own thoughts. “But,” bright eyes would begin before you slipped your feet into your shoes “I love you like I have always loved you. I hear and feel you, and I know things have been painful, but girl don’t you know I want you. Don’t you know that I’ve never stopped wanting you? There’s not a lie you could tell, a thing you could say, a short dress you could wear, or even a person you could sleep with that could take anything away from that. You are me, and I am you, and I would absolutely never turn away from you. I don’t blame you, I cherish you. I won’t judge you; I’m here to console you after you’ve gotten through comparing and judging yourself.  No amount of money in the world, no man, and no outward approval could fill the void that you’ve been feeding since that dark moment way back then; only we can do that. We could fix it together though. We could fix it for us, but if you insist on continuing like this I won’t stop you. Just understand you also won’t stop my whispering; I’ve got too much to say when it comes to you. I will drive you crazy with butterfly kisses, I will sit up and love on you through your ugliest nights, and I will make the sweetest part of you want to dance each time you step into sunlight; that’s a promise. So be kind to you for your own sake, and if you can’t, that’s okay too. I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”

It happens every time; tears pouring down what feels like an undeserving face. Shoes back in hand, bare feet slapping swiftly against the ground as you head home. You need to have a cry, a good private cry, because you know it’s the truth, and you know that you’re worthy of it. It’s just hard to separate what your five senses have told you all these years from what you have carried in your spirit all along. Curled up in the safest part of your favorite room you posed one question, “If I trust you again…If I really trust you again, how do I know things will be okay?” A warmth filled the coldest, loneliest parts of your chest and in your heart instead of your head you heard “because things have always been better than okay, you just weren’t trusting enough to know it. Now you are.” And that was that, and you were yourself again. No more rejecting the parts of life that scared you, you gave up control and collapsed in on yourself; arising as a whole woman. You still have your painful days, insecure and anxious moments, but the undertone of your complexion has a glow you wear with honor, the curves that have been hugging you, well now you hug them right back, and when you catch your body jiggle you give it a reason to dance.  Empty has no place in you, you beam fulfillment in the face of uncertainty; and those simple things you use to love, well it turns out they are still just as in love with you. You smile at your life now; you ask the world questions and don’t mind the variety of ways the answers find you. You may not always feel good, but you always feel like yourself. That bright eyed girl became a vibrant hearted woman, and you’re back to conquering the world the only way you know how; beaming, dancing and laughing all the way.

Whether you still are bright eyed, whether you still feel in the dark, or whether you are stepping into the vibrant promise of now, this story is for you. Know that you are capable of whatever is written on your heart and that if you celebrate your life, your life will celebrate you.
Now tell me that ain’t a happy ending.

A Simple "Thank You" Will Suffice

It is important to be grateful for what you currently have. Even though quite often what you have is not what you currently want, at some point you were anticipating having it, so if for no other reason savor it being in your possession. This does not mean wanting more is wrong, in fact, it’s exactly right. A constant attitude of appreciation is necessary to manifest the desires of your heart. Appreciation turns thoughts into things. So when in doubt of where your “next big blessing” is, look at your current circumstance and recognize how days, weeks, months or even years ago, this very moment was a dream of yours that you had hoped to one day live. And look at you! You’re living it! Nothing is impossible or out of your reach as long as you stay joyful and thankful right now. Don’t let now get away from you wishing on tomorrow or regretting yesterday. Tomorrow and yesterday do not serve you, but right now is a humble but brilliant companion, only desiring your attention and approval. Say yes to your present moments, and all the moments in conjunction will start saying yes back to you. Even when you don’t enjoy what your present moment feels like, just say okay in acknowledgment, and then look at that, you are in the next moment and can start fresh.

At no point is it expected for you to control your surroundings, you would be silly to think you could, but you would be even more foolish to think your surroundings control who you are. Only you are the master of your mind and you decide what you welcome, what you banish, what you believe, what you cherish. Decide consciously. Do not be reckless in how you spend your time thinking to yourself. Think vibrantly on things that fill you up and add to you. Out of anyone you could ever encounter in the entire world, you do the most damage and provide the most heartache for yourself. Mostly this is done by focusing outwardly and not inwardly, dabbling in other people’s lives and being disappointed when their decisions and their words do not follow the script you invested so much time in. Learn to mind your business, especially towards those who you love the most, because while love does bond us, connects us in a transparent but solid way, we are still on our own and must conquer our demons individually. Companions, friends, family, and spouses are provided on this journey for support, for fun, for love, and as unique reflections of how God expresses himself in different shades of his artistry, but we are not in one another’s lives to heal one another.  We can help one another find the path to piecing things back together through encouragement, through sharing experiences, through affection warmth, and kindness, but only the God in you can heal the turmoil in you.

Be perseverant in pursuing the love of yourself, as the unconditional admiration of the greater part of you is always present just waiting for you to accept its embrace. It never gets discouraged that you look for love in empty places; it just loves every part of you, even the parts you wish you weren’t stuck with. The greater part of you, the God in you, the pure-positive energy of you knows your heart, can quote its desires, its intentions, and knows its personal inflicted limitations but it loves you no less because of any of it. It’s excited to be one with such a fascinating, hungry creature who goes out into a physical world and finds something to laugh at, something to smile over, and something to hold on to even in moments when they feel they can’t trust their own two feet to take them where they need to go. The greater part of you knows everything that lies behind you, within you, and ahead of you. It cares not for the laws and rules of this society, or of the limitations of a time-space reality. All it knows is:
“I am whole. I am complete. I am constantly expanding. There is no good or bad, there is just being. All is well. There is a part of me that is physical, and that part experiences contrast in a world of time and space, but even that segment of me is whole, complete and expanding. Nothing that part or any part of me does or doesn’t do is good or bad. It just is, and in any way that I can provide for that part that is finding its way back to our entirety, I will. I know nothing but love, from love I am sculpted.”

And so, my earthly friends, be not frustrated with where you stand in life right now, as nothing is constant but change. The perfect orchestration of our lives will involve contrast, which you often call problems, trouble, sickness, or poverty, but it is neither good nor bad. It just is. It is how we grow in greater appreciation for the relationships, circumstances, finances, opportunities, and feelings that compliment who we truly are. Be not afraid of the silence or the darkness, because from it comes the welcoming sound and sight of the greater, and greater is always coming. Take confidence in being backed by an omnipotent and loving entity that is punctual and accurate with its generosity and compassion, its mercy and its grace, its abundance and its protection. And because of this entity expressing itself as a human being, expressing itself as you, you must recognize that you are far more magnificent then you have any grasp of. Walk confidently in the understanding that you customize the world you encounter, and while a huge privilege and responsibility, your first order of business is to just say thank you for the world you look around at right now. That thank you will echo deep and from it the fruit of your heart’s desire will be ripe for the picking. Go forth, go bravely, and go joyfully.





Rachel Anne

This is a place...

This is a place of refuge from the burden of the past and the anxiety of the future. It's a forgiving place, a welcoming place; a place orchestrated for me to help myself, and if I'm so blessed, to help you as well. This is a place of learning and love, healing and rebuilding, hope and joy.
I only ask this of you:
when you know better, please do better.
When you get, give.
And as you learn, teach.



"I am..."