A look at my personal life...

I'm a 23 year old, afrocentric, spiritually inclined ball of laughter, passion, and warmth. I'm intellectual when I feel like it but most of the time I like to say what I feel or have experienced, not what I've learned. I've found I sound smarter when I speak from my feelings anyways. I'm a hopeless romantic who falls in love mid-conversation and who can predict her own demise just after the first kiss goodnight. I'm exceptionally sensitive and am growing to no longer see that as a stereotypical weakness, but a pillar of strength that makes me capable of feeling everything and still recovering in order to feel it again tomorrow. I do not know how to give up. I only know how to change directions. This scares me about myself because if given something or someone I am passionate about that is not passionate about me, my inability to walk away can and has led to self-destruction and year long periods of reconstruction. I just don't have the time for that nowadays though. I can be emotional but I'm not selfish enough to be reckless with my feelings, as that would oppress those around me and I have no patience for dragging others down. I'm the "suffer in silence" type, and find a quiet satisfaction in knowing outside I look sturdy (as I am) but inside I'm quaking (as I do). I've seen ugly things, said ugly things, and behaved in ugly ways but I'm made up of beauty and return to that origin just as a phoenix rises from ash. I'm in love with nature and music and art and any other depiction of design and creativity whether by God himself or by him filtering through us. If I could explore space or the depths of the ocean I would choose the ocean as I feel the calm of water is just a step away from the calm of eternal rest, and I enjoy my R & R. I am aware true aging is a mental thing but have felt since 3 years old that I was an old woman replaying physical life right before I became metaphysical again. I long for children of my own and know the caliber of nurture I possess but refuse to procreate until I've found a mate with the same consciousness. I know I could do it alone, but I just don't want to. I think on how little I know quite often and find comfort in this because if I knew everything I would find this world a very dreary place. I hold my own hand sometimes because I miss my mother and get annoyed by how she is always in the front of my mind but not in front of my eyes. I think that I am a small strand in a grand tapestry that once I've returned to expansion I hope I get a birds eye view of. I get tired but have trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I find I wake up every hour on the hour after 5am. There is not much I do not feel can't be cured by the affection of a person you love and desire and I get annoyed there is not said person in my life yet, as this equals plenty of discomfort. I am aware self fulfillment and thankfulness will set you free so I write to find the good in me and to remember where I found it at. I congratulate myself on the accomplishment of making it these 23 years, 2 months,  and 4 days without surrendering to darkness. It has always been an option but I love sunshine too much to even flirt with the thought. 
When you look at me you see one thing, and who in God almighty knows what that is, but if you were to wear my skin and slip into my spirit you would know what exploration of the human experience feels like when you recognize you're a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.
Every ache, pain, laugh, smile, accomplishment, victory, failure, and loss is subjective. I am on a journey to see the good in all of it...and ironically I have noticed that by the time I have time to analyze the "good" or the "bad", it is actually time to move on.

A look at my personal life...

I'm a 23 year old, afrocentric, spiritually inclined ball of laughter, passion, and warmth. I'm intellectual when I feel like it but most of the time I like to say what I feel or have experienced, not what I've learned. I've found I sound smarter when I speak from my feelings anyways. I'm a hopeless romantic who falls in love in mid conversation and who can predict my own demise just after the first kiss goodnight. I'm exceptionally sensitive and am growing to no longer see that as a stereotypical weakness, but a pillar of strength that makes me capable of feeling everything and still recovering in order to feel it again tomorrow. I do not know how to give up. I only know how to change directions. This scares me about myself because if given something or someone I am passionate about that is not passionate about me, my inability to walk away can and has led to self destruction and year long periods of reconstruction. I just don't have the time for that nowadays though. I can be emotional but I'm not selfish enough to be reckless with my feelings, as that would oppress those around me and I have no patience for dragging others down. I'm the "suffer in silence" type, and find a quiet satisfaction in knowing outside I look sturdy (as I am) but inside I'm quaking (as I do). I've seen ugly things, said ugly things, and behaved in ugly ways but I'm made up of beauty and return to that origin just as a phoenix rises from ash. I'm in love with nature and music and art and any other depiction of design and creativity whether by God himself or by him filtering through us. If I could explore space or the depths of the ocean I would choose the ocean as I feel the calm of water is just a step before eternal rest and I enjoy my R & R. I am aware true aging is a mental thing but have felt since 3 years old that I was an old woman replaying physical life right before I became metaphysical again. I long for children of my own and know the caliber of nurture I possess but refuse to procreate until I've found a mate with the same consciousness. I know I could do it alone, but I just don't want to. I think on how little I know quite often and find comfort in it as if I knew everything I would find this world a very dreary place. I hold my own hand sometimes because I miss my mother and get annoyed by how she is always in the front of my mind but not in front of my eyes. I think that I'm a small strand in a grand tapestry that once I've returned to expansion I hope I get a birds eye view of. I get tired but have trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I find I wake up every hour on the hour after 5am. There is not much I do not feel can't be cured by the affection of a person you love and desire and I am annoyed there is not that person in my life yet, as this equals plenty of discomfort. I am aware self fulfillment and thankfulness will set you free so I write to find the good in me and to remember where I found it at so I can congratulate myself on the accomplishment of making it these 23 years, 2 months,  and 4 days without surrendering to darkness.
When you look at me you see one thing, and who in God almighty knows what that is, but if you were to wear my skin and slip into my spirit you would know what exploration of the human experience feels like when you recognize you're a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.
Every ache, pain, laugh, smile, accomplishment, victory, failure, and loss is subjective. I am on the journey to see the good in it and see that by the time I have time to analyze, it is actually time to move on.

Interview with an Entity

This time around my name is Rachel.
It wasn’t always Rachel, but I do like the way it sounds.
Rachel...
It means something to someone, and now I guess that someone is me.
I can’t quite remember my real name,
probably because it’s not made up of your words and your letters.
The most precise way to translate it is to compare it to the sound of a heart felt promise made, the smell of a newborn baby’s skin, and the feeling of sunbeams hitting a cold surface. Now say it with me "                 ."
Yeah, I didn’t think you’d be able to pronounce it either.
This time...I have brown skin, and long legs, and slanted almondy eyes and these really round cheeks that people really seem to like.
And based off what is considered attractive in the community I have adapted to, I am apparently nice to look at.
A little on the tall side.
A little on the awkward side.
A little on the jiggly side, but nice to look at and especially pleasant to hold.
I am very soft.
I've gotten to do a lot of fun stuff here so far.
Little purposeful missions have been accomplished throughout these…years? That’s what you call them, right? Years?
But I think my job this time around in a nutshell is to love.
I know it to be the easiest thing to do, I mean it is my very make up, but for some reason it seems complicated to do here.
I think it’s kind of like what you’d call a riddle; something that the answer is very obvious to, but you have to find your way to it.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I am finding my way back to it.
See what’s frustrating is knowing I already know the answers but not being able to fit them in here (points to self) because I’m stuffed full of…feelings.
Apparently it is my purpose to relearn some concepts; not to run through this opportunity as some almighty know-it-all (which is exactly what I am).
See I have these feelings…that come in waves.
No one feeling lasts that long, but gracious are they distracting from remembering what I’d like to!
Some of them feel what you like to call “good”, whatever that is,
and others feel not so good; I hear you call that “feeling bad” here.
But I know each feeling serves a purpose. It teaches something.
Not all of you seem to know that though.
I’m kind of just trying to figure out when the “bad” feelings come, where do they originate from.
And so far it seems to only happen if I am doubtful of myself or the balance of things, which makes no sense to ever do or be and yet I seem to do it anyways.
Also if I think too much about what was before right now or what will happen after right now, (really trivial thoughts), I can conjure up the not so good feelings then too.
I try not to do this... but this brain of mine seems very untamed.
It feels wired as if to focus only on what I do not have or what does not feel good instead of the beauty of the opposite.
I really just became aware enough to notice this genetic flaw and have been over compensating with optimism the best I can.
It can be difficult though,
because for some reason in this human form… feeling “bad” sometimes feels “good.”
Twisted...don't you think?
I am definitely a work in progress.
I am not quite sure how long I’m going to be this type of work in this type of progress but as long as I’m here I will do my best to make it fun.
I get nervous about returning, though excited to get back to effortless existing.
Nervous to leave all the work I have invested into this flesh-like vehicle.
Excited to be entirely and completely one with all there is and not be distracted with the illusion of separation or time and space.
Excited, nervous, good, bad? See… there goes those feelings again.
Speaking of feelings…I miss my counterpart.
The one that brought me forth but has gone on before me.
Even though from what I can still sense of the nonphysical realm she is absolutely elated to have returned back and is very encouraging of my continued journey through physicality.
The thing is... most of my comfort here was found in her companionship as we found our way together, and the absence of her physically is making it difficult for me to function.
Sometimes this body of mine shuts down altogether at the illusion that’s she’s really away forever, and sometimes I feel pleased and hope to not start back up.
It is bizarre being human.
Though I know that all is well, all is as it should be, and that there is nothing that is truly tragic except not appreciating the present, I still feel… broken at times. Lately many times.
It does not feel good.
I hope to outgrow this but I am still learning what all my human capabilities are.
Others tell me time will heal me, but that does not console me as I do not fully accept your time/space reality anyways.
I think it’s kind of stupid really, but I know I only think that because I cannot remember exactly why I chose to come here.
Maybe if I could dump out some of these feelings and just remember a little bit more I could figure this out and be more satisfied instead of feeling so lost.
Do not get me wrong, though. Being given the opportunity to be here and learn with you is incredible.
I do not take it for granted, not at all.
I just wish we could incorporate more concepts from the truth of our origin instead of making up a lot of the nonsense we do.
I can tell you one thing, the reason why this “struggle” I hear you speak of so often is so prevalent is because you give it spoken power.
You idolize and take some type of backwards pride in it, instead of having an understanding that there is enough of what every single existence needs to be happy and prosperous right here. Right now.
Your greatest resource is your relationship with the greater part of yourself, because as you appreciate it and converse with it on things you'd like to have, it will provide them.
There is never any true lack of anything because there is always perfect balance.
There is no drought.
There are no recessions.
There is no war.
They are made-up pons in your attempt to act out some strange game of good and evil.
There is no truth to them though, and you would see that the second you accepted that judgments of what’s good and what’s bad, what’s fair and what’s unfair, do you no good.
They give you a false sense of security.
They give you no protection.
I can feel you resonate with what I’m saying, though it makes you uncomfortable to think in this way.
It’s been a long time since you’ve remembered some of these things… I get it.
Thinking of them now will feel distorted and upsetting at first, but don’t get bothered by it.
If you could overcome fitting everything you were into a frame with only 5 senses, 2 legs, 2 arms, and 1 brain…you can learn to transcend your frame and grow back into everything.

But I’m sorry for getting ahead of myself… What was your question again?
Oh, right… Who am I?
Well
I am… that I am.
But for this present moment, you can call me Rachel.

Ode to Bittie

Flesh of my flesh,
blood of my blood.
Where are you?
I gaze helplessly into a mirror which tells me I am yours,
it tells me my skin, my eyes, the texture of my hair the rhythm of my heart beat, was created in your womb,
and yet I cannot find the comfort of your bosom as I have all my years.
Where might you be resting?
My brother says it's as if you are in your room, tucked away safely just preoccupied and knowing we are well enough that we do not need your direct attention.
But mama, direct attention from you feels like a need equal to air, food, and water.
You yourself are shelter, and this storm is being weathered but not the way I wanted.
Sometimes I still hear you laugh; it bounces off the walls of my brain, the brain I no longer trust as I can't bounce ideas off of yours.
My heart still pounds in rhythm but the blues of it all makes a somber beat.
Can't you just come down from your room?
Can't you hold my hand once more or laugh at daddy's corny jokes?
Come hold your Naomi tight in your arms and sit in the grass and swap silent stories of life before here and after.
Come inhale the smell of new skin off your grandsons neck, oh how he looks just like you; the genetics of your joy tangled into his laughter, he's a happy boy just as you knew he would be.
And we somehow are still a happy family, still celebrating and grieving together as you would have asked us to, but oh mama how I wish you yourself could comfort us.
I touch my fingers to my wrist and feel a pulse, but just as I don't understand how blood still runs through my veins, I don't quite grasp how you no longer will come around that hallway corner and beam at me as you have so many times before.
"Sadie..." floating from your smiling mouth, as you always were smiling at me.
No one said my name like you, mama.
Sometimes I get frustrated, mostly when I realize I am moving on, moving away from the life that you were apart of and into a life where you are a story I must tell.
Guilt wraps me up, and I know you taught me better, you taught me not to resist change, but how can I teach myself to be okay with letting you melt into history...
when it still takes me seven seconds every morning when awakening to recognize you are no longer present.
I do not mean to whine, mama, for you did not raise me to moan at my circumstances, but this weight gets so exhausting, and it feels incorrectly placed.
I would go so far as to say this is just not fair, but I recognize clearly that there is no good or bad, fair or unfair. There just is.
And so I will let what is, be.
I have gotten tired many times this year, but never given up, and I believe the worst is over so I just must maintain.
No you will not be coming down from your room, but as long as I can still hear you humming I will sing a long with you.

"If I had words, to make a day for you

I'd sing you a morning golden and true...."

And though you are of no need for physical things like hearts and brains, mine still are synced to yours and often I feel your beats and vibrations and dance to the joys you send my way.
I will hold my own hand, clasping them in front of me as I thank God for loving me in so much greatness it can only be measured in increments of you.
I will share the corniest jokes with daddy and kiss his sweet face so you can whisper through the echo of our laughter that joy is beginning again for him.
Naomi and I will pick up your wordless discussions and look to the sky smiling when the winds rustle through our hair.
Isaiah and I will laugh for no reason, as I stare into his warm hazel eyes, and I see you staring back at me.
We are going to be okay, mama. Just as you trusted we would be.
I just ask you to help remind me on days where breathing feels like an option I would like not to have.
Remind me of how brave we are, and how there is always something worth celebrating, and how physical fun need not be looked back on, but enjoyed now.
And so now I close my eyes and listen to birds sing, I taste my food with greater enjoyment, I smell every flower I can get to, and I touch everything I can get my hands on.
I like keeping my eyes closed though, because that is when I can see you best. For who you were as well as for you are. Smiling, laughing, loving, praising.
Oh mama, please understand I see and feel you absolutely everywhere,
but I will never stop missing that pretty face you use to wear.


This is not a mournful poem...it's an honest confession of a daughter who misses her mother as she once knew her. But honestly I know exactly where my mama is...she's simply wherever I am.

Self Preservation is Simply not Selfish

     For those who love to travel as I do, you may recall the safety speech reviewed by flight attendants before take off. It tells you the do's and don'ts to prepare you for the worst while giving you the best chance at survival. My favorite part of the speech is when they say "if your oxygen mask should dispense, please safely but firmly attach it to your face before assisting the person next to you." And me personally? Well I think this advice can be taken from this context and put into any situation regarding survival of hard situations with others. How could you ever possibly assist someone else if you have yet to make sure you have what you need? You can't, and you may endanger yourself trying to do so in the process.

    Now of course when you are a parent or a spouse, this firm idea has to bend because you have tied your life to or given life to someone else who you have a partnership or bond with, but that still does not excuse not giving yourself the necessary time to recharge and build yourself back up. I see it most with women, as we have those nurturing genetics advising us to willingly sacrifice ourselves for the good of the tribe at a moments notice. Just because we have evolved to this point does not change the cave woman instinct to "put ourselves last," and if anything it is more dangerous because we do not often recognize our instinctual drive behind the behavior. Men do it too, though. Dedicated husbands and fathers will work themselves ragged to make sure the family is secure and provided for, all the while, they deteriorate away because they have not replenished themselves. It becomes entirely too easy to find yourself running on E; and worst, we have learned to take pride in this sacrifice, deeming it real love. What? My love can only be real if I am uncomfortable, neglected, starved, or sleep deprived? I would highly disagree.

     We as people must learn that of course there is beauty and goodness in giving, but that we must first give inwardly before dividing ourselves outwardly. Emotionally, spiritually and physically it is of the utmost importance to make sure before you give it all away, you give your best to you. By doing so, you can multiply the gift of giving because when you have replenished yourself you have more energy and greater abilities in your service towards others. Is it noble to give your last dime to someone? Of course, because your heart is big and your intentions are selfless. But it is also noble to save that dime, add to it and then teach others how to do the same for themselves. Do not just feed people, teach them to provide for themselves. The worst thing you could ever do for someone you care for is something they need to do for themselves. As you recharge your batteries, direct them on how to recharge theirs so you can collaborate your blessings and not be dependent on someone else's "last."

    There is nothing wrong with helping and giving to those we care for. It is beautiful and what we are here for. But there is also nothing wrong with knowing sometimes you just can't. You just don't have it in you, and that's alright. You need time to rest, and you deserve to. You need this whole check to take care of your responsibilities, and that is respectable. Give yourself permission to provide for you foremost and then pride yourself in how much you are a blessing to others from that place of giving. The funny thing is, none of us truly need to worry about our survival or the survival of our loved ones, as we do not pilot this plane. Our responsibility lies in trusting we will be guided safely to where we are supposed to go and trusting the same guiding force gets those we care for to their destinations. But in those moments where we feel we have to take control, take control of you first, and then look to serve those next to you.



When your heart is in the right place, no one can blame you for taking care of yourself. We all must be self fulfilled. 

Keep Calm and Stop the Struggle

I wonder when we truly began to believe that focusing on problems gained us a solution. Is it maybe our human need to suffer that makes us feel as if we are unworthy of relaxing and trusting an answer will be given? I have been finding it increasingly disheartening how we celebrate struggle in this generation like it earns us a level of respect that could not be gained by having unwavering faith that we will continue to be provided for. Continue being the key word because it was not our efforts alone that brought us to where we are, and it definitely was not the struggle that gave us what we currently have. All the struggle provided us with was a pessimistic and exhausted point of view to see the world. If we had taken the same journey and decided not to engross ourselves in thinking we had to solve every problem, we still would have gotten to this point but with a happier disposition and less emotional baggage. It is a hope of mine that we will learn to exercise our spiritual muscles and confront situations with faith rather than strain ourselves mentally and physically running back and forth trying to play “Creator.” You could not fathom the orchestration at work, so why interrupt it with your two cents? Relax, you can never get it wrong, and honestly you will never get it done. Life is one endless lesson with different segments you chose to hone in on and categorize as good or bad based off what you have perceived so far, but your vision is too limited for you to know what works for you and what does not. You do not have to see to believe, you must believe in order to see. So just keep trusting all is constantly well and watch your surroundings reflect that.

You are loved by something greater than anything you could ever fear, so you have already won the battle.
In fact, the battle never existed.

The Tale of Bright Eyes (For My Women)

Tell me if you can relate to this...

In the very beginning, you grew up seeing the world as a place welcoming your questions and curiosity. You loved triumphantly, effortlessly in fact, and found it a privilege to beam with satisfaction in the beauty of simple things. It seemed that those same simple things loved to beam right back at you. You loyally loved those who took care of you, whether mama and daddy, grandmama and pawpaw, and they taught you a lot about what woman and man’s relationship was to be formatted as. You even internalized their characteristics because since that’s what you saw, that’s what you thought you were to become. And oh girl, how much you loved you! So much so that you had no idea of what not loving yourself felt like. From your crazy strands of hair to the soft but sturdy soles of your feet, you were a conqueror and you were fully aware it.

At some point on the journey though, someone hurt you. Someone made you feel like the world wasn’t listening, did not care, did not want you. Someone made you suspicious of man’s intentions with woman and distrusting of how woman blindly adored man. Some broken person took advantage of you, some bitter person spoke anger into you, mama and daddy turned out not to be all that they seemed; no matter the case, all of a sudden the bright eyed girl who loved life as it loved her was tucked away. You did not trust her hopeful disposition, for the world was no longer a hope filled place. Whoever it was that replaced her turned away from satisfaction and simplicity and took up a twisted romance with doubt and insecurity.

That barefoot in the summer afternoon, hair sprawled everywhere as she through back her head to laugh, soft baby fat having girl was unable to find satisfaction within the natural wealth that had always been hers. She could not see the warm undertones to her skin, just that it was too dark, too light, or to frequently speckled in blemishes.  She could not feel the way her curves lovingly hugged her frame, she just saw stretch marks and cellulite, jiggling and bouncing (tell me, how did your body’s natural patterns and its love to dance become so ugly to you girl?) She could not hear the way the wind whistled at her as she walked by; she just noticed her hair being blown out of place and cursed the weather she once celebrated.

And all the while, that bright eyed girl deep, deep inside watched what went on with you. She knew that the heartache you had experienced so young was deathly contagious and that it had hardened you, so bright eyes whispered to you from your insides. In moments where the radio stations weren’t up so loud or the music videos didn’t consume your attention, she would promise you that no matter what you saw, smelled, tasted, touched or heard that you were unspeakably precious and that life, as well as her, were truly still in love with you. You waved her whispers away at first, like swatting a fly, not needing the lovey dovey distraction to deter you from your aspirations to “dress like her,” “have that guy,” and “be this size.” There was no time to love who you really were, as you were simply too focused on becoming who you really were not. But her whispers kept calling to you. Sometimes while you were sitting in the church pews, sometimes while you were at a sleepover, or sometimes when alone with a guy you desired. Bright eyes began sounding like an old friend who it just wasn’t so cool to hang out with anymore. She knew you better than anyone though, and was always there to encourage you to still take barefoot walks in the evening to recharge from your day of big girl strutting. That was your time, time to take off the heavy mask and be vulnerable, and in those moments whispers evolved into full blown conversations.

“It’s suffocating, isn’t it?” she would inquire as your toes gripped the warm cement. You’d look down and nod quietly. “I know” she’d sympathize, “It feels like it.” You would try and explain to her that the world just wasn’t how she remembered it to be, that you saw terrible things happen to remarkable people all the time, and that to end up anywhere worthwhile you had to know your role and play the part. And she would listen intently, never interrupting, but when you were done with your wild rambling and your desperate excuses, she would warmly say “it’s okay to get off the stage if you don’t like the part you’re playing, baby. This role just doesn’t suit you. And as for what’s terrible and who is remarkable, well that is all in your opinion and you know so little about other people. You don’t know what greatness that situation you perceive as terrible prepared that person for. You don’t get to see everything that happens for everyone, because it has nothing to do with you. I am very aware the world is not the place I remember it to be, trust me, but it seems that you are the one out of the two of us having trouble coping with your surroundings.”

Silence. You weren’t going to argue with her. This was about the time you would drop your sandals on the pavement and start walking home anyways, tired of feeling out of place in even your own thoughts. “But,” bright eyes would begin before you slipped your feet into your shoes “I love you like I have always loved you. I hear and feel you, and I know things have been painful, but girl don’t you know I want you. Don’t you know that I’ve never stopped wanting you? There’s not a lie you could tell, a thing you could say, a short dress you could wear, or even a person you could sleep with that could take anything away from that. You are me, and I am you, and I would absolutely never turn away from you. I don’t blame you, I cherish you. I won’t judge you; I’m here to console you after you’ve gotten through comparing and judging yourself.  No amount of money in the world, no man, and no outward approval could fill the void that you’ve been feeding since that dark moment way back then; only we can do that. We could fix it together though. We could fix it for us, but if you insist on continuing like this I won’t stop you. Just understand you also won’t stop my whispering; I’ve got too much to say when it comes to you. I will drive you crazy with butterfly kisses, I will sit up and love on you through your ugliest nights, and I will make the sweetest part of you want to dance each time you step into sunlight; that’s a promise. So be kind to you for your own sake, and if you can’t, that’s okay too. I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”

It happens every time; tears pouring down what feels like an undeserving face. Shoes back in hand, bare feet slapping swiftly against the ground as you head home. You need to have a cry, a good private cry, because you know it’s the truth, and you know that you’re worthy of it. It’s just hard to separate what your five senses have told you all these years from what you have carried in your spirit all along. Curled up in the safest part of your favorite room you posed one question, “If I trust you again…If I really trust you again, how do I know things will be okay?” A warmth filled the coldest, loneliest parts of your chest and in your heart instead of your head you heard “because things have always been better than okay, you just weren’t trusting enough to know it. Now you are.” And that was that, and you were yourself again. No more rejecting the parts of life that scared you, you gave up control and collapsed in on yourself; arising as a whole woman. You still have your painful days, insecure and anxious moments, but the undertone of your complexion has a glow you wear with honor, the curves that have been hugging you, well now you hug them right back, and when you catch your body jiggle you give it a reason to dance.  Empty has no place in you, you beam fulfillment in the face of uncertainty; and those simple things you use to love, well it turns out they are still just as in love with you. You smile at your life now; you ask the world questions and don’t mind the variety of ways the answers find you. You may not always feel good, but you always feel like yourself. That bright eyed girl became a vibrant hearted woman, and you’re back to conquering the world the only way you know how; beaming, dancing and laughing all the way.

Whether you still are bright eyed, whether you still feel in the dark, or whether you are stepping into the vibrant promise of now, this story is for you. Know that you are capable of whatever is written on your heart and that if you celebrate your life, your life will celebrate you.
Now tell me that ain’t a happy ending.

A Simple "Thank You" Will Suffice

It is important to be grateful for what you currently have. Even though quite often what you have is not what you currently want, at some point you were anticipating having it, so if for no other reason savor it being in your possession. This does not mean wanting more is wrong, in fact, it’s exactly right. A constant attitude of appreciation is necessary to manifest the desires of your heart. Appreciation turns thoughts into things. So when in doubt of where your “next big blessing” is, look at your current circumstance and recognize how days, weeks, months or even years ago, this very moment was a dream of yours that you had hoped to one day live. And look at you! You’re living it! Nothing is impossible or out of your reach as long as you stay joyful and thankful right now. Don’t let now get away from you wishing on tomorrow or regretting yesterday. Tomorrow and yesterday do not serve you, but right now is a humble but brilliant companion, only desiring your attention and approval. Say yes to your present moments, and all the moments in conjunction will start saying yes back to you. Even when you don’t enjoy what your present moment feels like, just say okay in acknowledgment, and then look at that, you are in the next moment and can start fresh.

At no point is it expected for you to control your surroundings, you would be silly to think you could, but you would be even more foolish to think your surroundings control who you are. Only you are the master of your mind and you decide what you welcome, what you banish, what you believe, what you cherish. Decide consciously. Do not be reckless in how you spend your time thinking to yourself. Think vibrantly on things that fill you up and add to you. Out of anyone you could ever encounter in the entire world, you do the most damage and provide the most heartache for yourself. Mostly this is done by focusing outwardly and not inwardly, dabbling in other people’s lives and being disappointed when their decisions and their words do not follow the script you invested so much time in. Learn to mind your business, especially towards those who you love the most, because while love does bond us, connects us in a transparent but solid way, we are still on our own and must conquer our demons individually. Companions, friends, family, and spouses are provided on this journey for support, for fun, for love, and as unique reflections of how God expresses himself in different shades of his artistry, but we are not in one another’s lives to heal one another.  We can help one another find the path to piecing things back together through encouragement, through sharing experiences, through affection warmth, and kindness, but only the God in you can heal the turmoil in you.

Be perseverant in pursuing the love of yourself, as the unconditional admiration of the greater part of you is always present just waiting for you to accept its embrace. It never gets discouraged that you look for love in empty places; it just loves every part of you, even the parts you wish you weren’t stuck with. The greater part of you, the God in you, the pure-positive energy of you knows your heart, can quote its desires, its intentions, and knows its personal inflicted limitations but it loves you no less because of any of it. It’s excited to be one with such a fascinating, hungry creature who goes out into a physical world and finds something to laugh at, something to smile over, and something to hold on to even in moments when they feel they can’t trust their own two feet to take them where they need to go. The greater part of you knows everything that lies behind you, within you, and ahead of you. It cares not for the laws and rules of this society, or of the limitations of a time-space reality. All it knows is:
“I am whole. I am complete. I am constantly expanding. There is no good or bad, there is just being. All is well. There is a part of me that is physical, and that part experiences contrast in a world of time and space, but even that segment of me is whole, complete and expanding. Nothing that part or any part of me does or doesn’t do is good or bad. It just is, and in any way that I can provide for that part that is finding its way back to our entirety, I will. I know nothing but love, from love I am sculpted.”

And so, my earthly friends, be not frustrated with where you stand in life right now, as nothing is constant but change. The perfect orchestration of our lives will involve contrast, which you often call problems, trouble, sickness, or poverty, but it is neither good nor bad. It just is. It is how we grow in greater appreciation for the relationships, circumstances, finances, opportunities, and feelings that compliment who we truly are. Be not afraid of the silence or the darkness, because from it comes the welcoming sound and sight of the greater, and greater is always coming. Take confidence in being backed by an omnipotent and loving entity that is punctual and accurate with its generosity and compassion, its mercy and its grace, its abundance and its protection. And because of this entity expressing itself as a human being, expressing itself as you, you must recognize that you are far more magnificent then you have any grasp of. Walk confidently in the understanding that you customize the world you encounter, and while a huge privilege and responsibility, your first order of business is to just say thank you for the world you look around at right now. That thank you will echo deep and from it the fruit of your heart’s desire will be ripe for the picking. Go forth, go bravely, and go joyfully.





Rachel Anne

This is a place...

This is a place of refuge from the burden of the past and the anxiety of the future. It's a forgiving place, a welcoming place; a place orchestrated for me to help myself, and if I'm so blessed, to help you as well. This is a place of learning and love, healing and rebuilding, hope and joy.
I only ask this of you:
when you know better, please do better.
When you get, give.
And as you learn, teach.



"I am..."